The doctor said "it's the cooties......"

So I just left a store today, where I was shopping for eyeglasses for my kid.  We had lunch and then picked up stuff for dinner and a few other things.  It's been over a year since I confessed my sin to the world, to include my former church, and I must admit.....I'm still pretty gun shy about going out alone.  Today however, I had my kids with me....my sword and shield, so to speak, and as we were coming down an aisle I caught sight of a former church member.  This was not just an acquaintance, but someone who knew me fairly well as we spent many Sunday's studying God's Word together in a small group setting.  Eye contact, a cordial smile and wave and we were both on our way.

Seems innocent enough right?

*sigh*

I guess it should be.  But I guess given how things happened when our family left the church (because of my sin) it's all a bit more, shall we say, complicated than that.  Emotions run a bit higher....and there is always the obvious question of "shunning" that comes to mind.

I suppose if this weren't a person I knew on a personal level maybe I wouldn't have given it a second thought.  But having not seen them in over a year I guess in my heart I expected a "hello" or a short "how are you" kind of conversation.  Nope.

I guess my reason for this blog is to point out that ....

Yes, I sinned.  

Yes, I acknowledge it.  

Yes, I repented.  

Yes, I'm forgiven....by The Father.  

And yes, 

I'm the same person I was before sin.

I'm the same person who brought you meals in your time of need.

I'm the same person who kissed your babies in the nursery.

I'm the same person who wiped your child's tears in Sunday School.

I'm the same person who taught VBS and did my very best to make it a lasting, memorable, beautiful experience for your child every single year for 10 years.

I'm the same person who hugged your neck every Sunday and asked how you were doing.

I'm the same person who sat next to you during Sunday School and shared my life with you.

I'm the same person who taught your children in Children's Choir.

I'm the same person who laughed with you and cried with you over the years.

I'm the same person who loved you through your sin.

I'm the same person who prayed for you.

I'm the same person.

Why are you treating me differently?

Every day is a battle for me.  I worry so much what others think.
I know I shouldn't....and the Apostle Paul knew it too!

In Colossians 2:8 Paul wrote:

"See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ."

As far as Christ is concerned, He paid for my sin....on the cross....it is finished.  So all of these people who want nothing to do with me because of my sin really have issues of their own to take up with The Father.

My battlefield is my own.  Forgiving myself has been the biggest hurdle.  I would be lying if I said that these lies of the Enemy, the way I let others actions affect me, didn't hurt....because they do.

I just have to point myself back to the Cross.  Because that's where my battle is finished.

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."

 ~ Psalm 103:12 ~ 

Patience is a virtue.....or so I've been told !

Patience is not my strong suit.  Anyone who knows me knows that.

I am currently living out the consequences of a very bad choice I made over two years ago.  And I am not very patient!  I want everything fixed.....

.....and I want it now!!!!

It seems as though everything will be going along well....then pow!  Something blows up in my face....you know....imagine the soot-all-over-your-face-hair-all-jacked-up-cartoon-blow-up-in-my face-look!  Yup....that's me!

And it all comes from me!  Yes....ME!  I am the cause of the explosion!

Can anyone relate to what I am saying?  Does anyone else take responsibility for the chaos in their lives other than me?

Well....if I've learned anything in the past two years, it is to accept responsibility for my actions.

I am 100% to blame.  I have totally been trying to take over God's job of healing, restoration, reconciliation, redemption....you name it.  It is so hard to just "be still..and know."

God's word tells us in Psalm 46:10

So why is that so hard for us?  

It is our sin nature to want to control.  It goes all the way back to Genesis. Sarai was barren.  She could not live with the idea that her husband Abraham would not have an heir to his name.  So she convinced him to father a child with her maidservant, Hagar.  Hagar gave birth to a son, Ishmael. Then, in her old age, God blessed Sarai and Abraham with a son, and they called him Jacob.  God changed Sarai's name to Sarah.  Her jealousy of Ishmael became so strong that she demanded Abraham send him and Hagar away, and so he did.  (One might be tempted to ask at this point where were Abraham's peaches?)  They went out into the wilderness alone....and this was the start of the Muslim faith.  

A short and sweet version...but you get the idea.  

Can you imagine what our world would be like had Sarah relinquished control of her family to God? Had she NOT decided to meddle in the legacy of her family, perhaps we would not have many of the worldwide problems we are seeing now.  Because of her sin....her uncontrollable desire to meddle in God's work, we now have over a billion people born into a faith that is wreaking havoc and destruction on our world today.  That's a pretty big consequence of her sin if you ask me!

I'm not sure I have as much pull as Sarah on future generations....but I think I can take a lesson from her experience.  I need to "be still" and wait for Him.  As we all should.  Because His Will is perfect.

Obedience is what he wants from us.  

The rest...I'm confident He can handle!

"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer."  Romans 12:12 ESV