Sunday, at the beginning of our church service our Co-Pastor made an announcement that shocked, stunned, saddened and stung me to my core. He announced that our Pastor's precious wife has breast cancer. I am so troubled for Ms. Elaine and for her sweet, sweet family, although I know there has been remarkable work done in the field of cancer research, and I know many more survivors than not but, I can't help but to feel pensive and heartbroken and scared ~~~ all at the same time.
Tonight, as we were preparing to take our three rambunctious dogs and two trouble making kids ( at least today they were troublemakers ) for an evening walk, my husband was speaking with our neighbor who has one workday left until he retires. He'll join his wife in retirement as she just retired in January, both leaving careers in the school system. I'm amazed at how supportive they have always been about our choice to home school our children. Somehow in the back of my mind I always figure that people who are involved with the schools think homeschooler's are crazy....and in some respects we TOTALLY ARE! Today was one of those days that had me wondering what in the heck was I thinking???? For example, we were in Walmart earlier today, picking up something for dinner, and the kids were bickering....back and forth....back and forth...I mumbled under my breath, "You are driving me crazy!" A woman standing near us heard me and chuckled. I mentioned in passing how peaceful my life had been prior to having kids! Then my son pipes up with expert comedic timing and says, "Didn't you say Dad used to go to bars before you had kids?"
* sigh *
Anyway, feeling completely beaten down, I have spent the rest of my day in survival mode...just simply trying to "make it" until my loving husband got home from work. Of course today he worked 2 1/2 hours of overtime...coupled with a 1 1/2 hour commute...it made for a very long day for the both of us!
Tonight, after we walked away from our neighbor, Frank told me that his sweet wife Yvonne has breast cancer and will be travelling to M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX next week for surgery and a follow-up.
Wow... Two dear friends in two days. Breast cancer. My heart is weeping. I don't understand it, and to be truthful I stopped trying about 18 years ago when I met Frank. He was a nice distraction from the loss of my own mother to cancer. So many memories are flooding back with this news. I was 20 when she passed away. She died at M.D. Anderson. I met Frank almost a year to the day of the 1 year anniversary of her death. I like to think that maybe she helped God pick him out for me; and when he's being a real pill I KNOW she did....pay back for all the trouble I caused her when I was growing up.
The death of my mother was so sudden and so painful for me that I turned my back on God. I decided that He was not worthy of a relationship with me for taking her away, when there were so many things I wanted to share with her. During my stages of grief, and by the way I'm back...my God didn't abandon me, even when I abandoned Him....I read that a young woman who loses her mother in her early years experiences the loss over and over with significant life events; i.e. marriage, the birth of children.......losing friends to the same disease.
I'm trying to be positive and concentrate on prayer for these dear ladies who are in such desperate need of it right now. But it's hard...the burning question of 'Why?' comes back, again and again. I also read during my hiatus from my Saviour, that our lives are like a tapestry....what we see is the back side...it's just a jumbled up mess of string and color and knots.....but when we die, and we join Him, our Heavenly Father....we see the other side of that beautiful work of art and it is then that we can see the big picture. I hope that one day I can make sense of all of this....for now I'll just continue to lift them up in prayer. I know they are both Godly women...
.....and it's going to be okay......
Matthew 11:28-30
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
