Most of you who know me know that I am a homeschool mom of three with a husband who is very rarely home. Well, this schedule has caught up with me. I am finally worn out....spent.....kaput!
My sweet husband, who is usually very well versed at dealing with stress and work issues is also worn out....spent.....kaput!
His last trip proved it. He came in....barking orders....redirecting us....trying to undo everything I had done whilst he was away.
Wait a minute....we have an order to things....albeit a crazy, unorganized, drive-me-to-the-brink-of-insanity order...but an order none-the-less.
......this just isn't working.
God has blessed me with this AWESOME family, my husband with a SUPER job that abundantly provides for us, and me with a BEAUTIFUL home that I am unworthy of. So what am I complaining about?
Why is stress such a factor with moms....or is it just me?
I have found that during the past 5 years of my husband working this crazy schedule and being away, I've spent much of this time being a single mom; and of late it seems I've just been treading water in an undertow. Of late, I've done a lot of thinking, and I realize that I have failed God.....I've failed in my responsibilities to Him. He has charged me with so many beautiful things, yet I have taken them, twisted them and made them "chores" instead of what He intended them to be..... treasured GIFTS!
My precious Jagger Reese crawled into bed with me in the wee hours of the morning after my husband had left for work. I looked at him as he slept and remembered when he was just a "hope" for us. Then I thought back to when he was chunky little one snuggled up to me and how he was the fulfillment of so many dreams we had. God has blessed us....ABUNDANTLY!!!!! He has the most beautiful baby sister and God has chosen to complete our family with our awesome teenager.....it couldn't be more PERFECT!
There is ALWAYS hope !!!!
My God is so good to me! I have repented of my sins....too many and too personal to mention in a blog....with the help of our gifted and blessed pastor, Dr. Steve Taylor, who led us in the most touching and spiritual service that our church has ever offered to it's congregation. I realize now that I AM WORTHY OF ANOTHER CHANCE!
It's so troubling, but I've been a Christian since I was 7-years-old when I first gave my heart to Jesus Christ. Like many, I've floundered, come and gone, but my Lord has been faithful, just has He said He would be. He's never left me....even when I've left Him....even spit in the face of God.....what a scarring revelation....I'm embarrassed to share that fact. Yet, I have not felt like I DESERVED ANOTHER CHANCE !
John 3:17-18
The Message (MSG)
16-18"This is how much
God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is
why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can
have a whole and lasting life. God didn't go to all the trouble of
sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world
how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone
who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long
since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why?
Because of that person's failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of
God when introduced to him.
The Father sent His son to die for my sins, yet I still felt UNWORTHY!
What have I believed all of these years? Was I just going through the motions? Was I too busy serving to actually stop and listen? Maybe.
My spirit was dead....
YET HE IS ALIVE.....SO I CAN LIVE !!!!!
WOW!
I'm still working on dealing with my sin....my shame....my failures. But I know He is faithful and He will never leave me.....
Song of Songs 2:10-11 (NIV)
10 My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
11 See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
11 See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
