Talk doesn't cook rice! ~ Chinese Proverb

As I sit here preparing to blog after nearly two years, I stare at a blank screen.

It's been a long, hard two years.

I know my blog is titled "Laughter is the Best Medicine", but I haven't felt like laughing much lately.

Can I ask you a question?  Have you ever sinned?

*crickets chirping*

No...this isn't a baited question.  Have you ever sinned?  I mean ANY sin?

I know you probably already know this, but God doesn't categorize sin.  ALL SIN breaks His heart.

ALL SIN......

Why then do WE choose to put sin into categories?  Little white lies...swiping a paper clip from work....pride....adultery....murder....gossip....

Gossip......

If you are reading this blog, then you likely know my story....but not because I've told you.  I'm not living in a bubble people....it's shocking...it's abhorrent to most people, it wasn't something I chose for myself or my family....ALL FIVE OF US....

.....and it's certainly something I would give anything in the world to take back.

Yet my Merciful God simply looks at it as sin.  FORGIVEN.

It's no different to Him than the choice made by my friends and acquaintances to gossip about it.

To God, their gossip is just as heartbreaking....which makes me sad because...not only did my choice to sin hurt God, me and my family....but in a roundabout sort of way....I guess it has caused my brother to sin.

I have spent the better part of two years hiding in my house....afraid to go out in public for fear of running into someone....someone who will judge me....someone who has judged me.....someone who has punished my children for my transgression, and believe me....there have been many who are guilty of that!

But today, while having coffee with our pastor and his wife, two self-proclaimed, imperfect people doing God's work with no judgement or condemnation.....I've decided that:

Today is the day I stop hiding!

Today is the day my pity party comes to an end!

Today is the day I will reclaim my JOY!

As I perused my past blog posts, I realized that before all of this trauma happened in our lives, I found JOY in my circumstances!  I found JOY in wrecking my car! I found JOY in my kids fighting! I found JOY and humor in nearly everything that happened to me.

I confess.  I'm emotionally exhausted from the rejection, the judgement, and the condemnation of others....and as of today I will no longer let it control me!

So if you are reading this....know this.....

I LOVE YOU !!!!!

I FORGIVE YOU !!!

I'M MOVING ON !!!!

YOU SHOULD TOO !!!

......and one day...I will have my family back...God is GOOD!!!!

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing.

James 1:2